From Passive to Powerful: Energizing Your Writing With Active Voice

Let’s face it: passive voice is like decaf coffee—technically “works,” but it leaves everyone underwhelmed. I used to sprinkle dreamy passives all over my MFA drafts, and I’ve seen students nod off when I read them aloud in class. As a coach, I’ve hunted down more “was”s than I care to count—and passive voice is a known prose killer. Active voice? That’s the espresso shot your storytelling craves. Here’s the gritty, lived-and-burned advice—packed with personal anecdotes, a dash of sarcasm, and editing tips that actually get results.

Understand Passive vs. Active

• Passive voice: The subject receives the action.
  “The final exam was completed by the students.” (Snooze.)

• Active voice: The subject performs the action.
  “The students completed the final exam.” (Readers snap awake!)

In my first year of teaching freshman English, I was passing back essays on symbolism—full of promising ideas, buried under a mountain of passives. When I handed one back to a moody sophomore, she slammed it on her desk and shot me a look. “Why did I get a C on this paper?” she demanded, arms crossed.

I flipped it over, pointed out the five “was”s crammed into three sentences, and said with a grin, “Your reader’s in a coma—wake them up with active verbs.” She rolled her eyes, but by the next class, her revised essay practically crackled off the page. She even grinned, “Okay, this is way more fun.” That moment taught me: a little tough love and a few active verbs can resurrect any sleepy prose.

Audit Your Draft for "To Be" + Past Participle

During my stint as a college writing instructor, I once coached a student who had seven “was(s) in a single sentence—seven! “I thought you said you were trimming word count,” I joked. We spent an hour recasting everything into an active voice, and by the end, her 2000-word essay read like a thriller.

Try this before you hit submit:

• Search for “am,” “is,” “are,” “was,” “were,” “be,” “being,” “been.”

• Ask: Can I recast this in active voice?

Before: “A decision was reached by the board after hours of debate.”
After: “After hours of debate, the board reached a decision.”

Bam—clarity and clear writing in one edit.

Prioritize Clarity and Agency

As a workshop facilitator for instructors learning to bring creative writing techniques into their own disciplines, I handed everyone the same climactic scene and dared them to strip out all the passives. A not-so-thrilled history professor in the back grunted, “Fine,” then paused, brow furrowed. His original line read: “The treaty was signed by the delegates amid great fanfare.” He muttered, “This reads like a textbook—someone put me to sleep.”

So he ripped out “was signed by the delegates” and wrote: “The delegates signed the treaty amid cheers and swirling confetti.” Then he added a breadcrumb of context—“Their hands shook as ink touched parchment”—to layer in sensory storytelling. At our next read-aloud, the room leaned in; you could almost hear the crackle of excitement.

He later confessed that he’d applied the same active-voice makeover to his syllabus: turning “Lab reports were submitted by students” into “Students submitted lab reports,” then weaving in vivid anecdotes about fieldwork. Suddenly, his lectures felt more like narratives, and student engagement went up. That’s the magic of active voice—it jolts your dynamic prose awake and shows how writing tips from fiction can transform any discipline.

Combine Action with Emotion

I still remember the late-night Zoom workshop with Sarah, a novelist who swore she’d “never write another active sentence.” Her tired first draft line:

“The gift was opened by Elena.”

I couldn’t resist a mock yawn. “Let’s inject some life, shall we?” I asked. We paused and asked: what’s Elena feeling? Smell? Sound? We brainstormed for two minutes, then rewrote:

“Elena tore into the gift, her heart hammering as glitter drifted down like confetti.”

Her eyes went wide. “I can actually hear that glitter hit the floor.” In that moment, her whole scene sprang to life—charged with sensory storytelling and unstoppable momentum.

Try This: From Passive to Pulse

1. Spot a bland passive sentence in your draft.

2. Ask “So what?” (What emotion or detail is missing?)

3. Add an emotion tag + sensory detail to transform it.

Before: “The invitation was accepted by Maria.”
After: “Maria accepted the invitation, her fingers trembling as she tucked it into her journal.”

By focusing on active voice and vivid details, you’ll turn flat descriptions into moments that jump off the page. Give it a try—your readers will thank you!

Use Passive Sparingly, Especially When You Want to Haunt Your Reader

Believe it or not, passive voice can be your secret weapon—if you wield it like a scalpel. In a late-night flash fiction binge, I wrote one of my eeriest pieces entirely from a passive angle. My opening line:

“The door was left ajar.”

That single passive construction cast a shadow of mystery without naming an actor or motive. Readers emailed me weeks later, asking what lurked behind that door. Mission accomplished.

But here’s the editorial catch: use passive only when you’re intentionally hiding the character or cranking up suspense. Otherwise, you’re just lulling your audience back to sleep.

Strategic Passive Examples for Suspense Writing

• “All evidence had been erased.”

• “The watch was found underwater, its hands stopped at midnight.”

Each of these sentences shifts focus to the event itself—erasure, the stillness of time—inviting readers to fill in the blanks.

Coaching Tip:

1. Identify a moment of tension in your draft.

2. Ask: Do I want to obscure who did this?

3. If yes, try a passive construction.

4. If no, default back to active voice for clarity and energy.

Use strategic passive voice like a spice—just enough to flavor your creative storytelling without overwhelming the dish.

Your Challenge This Week:

Choose one chapter and launch a passive-voice purge with ruthless self-editing. Channel your inner drill sergeant—read backward, apply the “So what?” test, and celebrate every sentence you revitalize.

Happy editing, and may your active voice always pack a punch!

🖤 Diana

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